It's 1:11 PM in Athens, Ohio, and it's a scorching 90 degrees. Weather reports indicate Miami sucked a warm front up from the southwest. Miami has not sucked this much in decades.
This brings up a delicate question: Since it's now been proven that the two biggest black holes in the known universe are located precisely in the center of the Oxford Tech and Temple campuses, can anyone design an instrument delicate enough to figure out which of these two foci sucks the most? This is a very difficult scientific question. Luckily scientists at Ohio's Russ School of Engineering are hard at work on the problem and have developed the world's first SuperSuck-o-Meter. Though final results of their studies won't be released until football season starts, preliminary studies have discovered that contrary to all expectations Temple seems to suck more then Oxford Tech. This was very puzzling to the Russ investigators because tree ring analysis has indicated that historically nothing had sucked more than Oxford Tech. One theory has been developed to explain the anomaly of the preliminary analysis of the current data. It seems that the presence of Charlie Coles has resulted in slightly lower amplitude of suckyness coming from Oxford in recent years and has skewed the historical data.
WARNING: Ohio scientists have issued a RED Suckyness Alert for Nov. 9, 2011. On that date Oxford Tech's football team will play a game at Temple and concentrate an unheard of level of suckyness in one place. If, as Ohio scientist fear might happen, this results in a reading of 120 over S-9 on the SuperSuck-o-Meter, there's a chance that the earth could start to wobble so much on its axis that it might become unstable.
Last Edited: 9/15/2011 10:08:11 AM by OhioCatFan